Bob's guide to picking soft fruit

BobTheGardener

1) Pick all of the fruit for the kitchen when it is at its best (note: an in-situ taste test is mandatory!)

2) After delivering the harvest to the kitchen, return to the garden and commence weeding between all of the soft fruit plants, trees and bushes etc.

3) All of the fruit you now find and must have missed earlier must be consumed immediately and under no circumstances returned to the kitchen.

pansyface

Bob. You are so lucky! Guide to picking soft fruit organically:



1. Pick any fruit that has a hint of colour. If you leave it another hour later the birds will take it.



2. Pick any fruit that turns out to be only half a fruit. The birds got there an hour ago. It is still edible if you cut round the peck marks.



3 Pick any fruit that has within it a miniature mollusc. Don't bother to offer said mollusc to the birds as they are already full of fruit and couldn't fit another thing in thanks.



4 Pick any fruit that you accidentally trod on just now, not having seen that the birds dropped it onto the ground as they considered it to be of inferior quality.





Carry the two handsful of assorted objects to the kitchen and proceed to make one small jar of mixed fruit chutney. This will sit in a cupboard until November when it is found to have a crust of dark green mould on the surface and get thrown in the bin.

hogweed

Hester Scott

Make an assessment of the amount of fruit.  Not much. Not worth bringing into the house today.  The pathetic few eaten in situe.  Carry on eating.  There turns out to be more than was at first apparent.  But definitely not enough to bring in now. Carry on eating.  Satisfactory result.