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Transgender child

A month ago our daughter, still 11 at the time, told us she wants to be a boy.
She wants we refer to her as a boy, and call her with her name name, male name, and use male pronouns. Which most of her peers outside our household apparently do already.
I understand this is not something we can change or make go away. So be it.

Of course one could say "you were born without Y chromosome so you'll never be male, no matter what the legal, the society, the medical, the name, the pronoun, etc." And tough this is true I fear it is also useless at best and most likely very harmful.



  • FireFire Posts: 17,116
    edited November 2021
    I'm not sure this is the right place to discuss it. Threads here can get heated, polarised and non too nuanced.
  • Blue OnionBlue Onion Posts: 2,941
    Maybe you are looking for support?  I expect there are social media groups you could join specific to that topic.

    Or maybe someone on here with personal experience on being trans or the parent of a trans could DM you?  Then you can ask questions and share concerns?  
    Utah, USA.
  • I wish you and your family well, but I agree with the others … this forum is not the right place for the discussion you seek. 

    “I am not lost, for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.” Winnie the Pooh

  • Busy-LizzieBusy-Lizzie Posts: 20,937
    Maybe you should discuss this with your doctor rather than on here, we aren't experts on this, plants are more our comfort zone and you may get hurtful comments. 

    However, I would be inclined to go along with your child but not let the final decision be made until maturity. Adolescence can be a deciding factor. After that treatment, eg hormones can be started on the advice of à good doctor.
    Dordogne and Norfolk. Clay in Dordogne, sandy in Norfolk.
  • AlbeAlbe Posts: 123
    Thank you.
    I spoke with our GP already.
    As I wrote, we are scheduled for a first Dr visit together, the psychiatrist, tough no idea if this is the best kind of mental health care professional.

    Thanks for pointing it out but I don't expect hurtful comments here. If they come, they come.

  • FireFire Posts: 17,116
    edited November 2021
    Wishing you all the best for these difficult questions. No right answers - all about the personal interiors of your family. I hope you can find good personal support for yourself and your own journey, children aside. I don't this is the place for uninformed chit-chat.

    There are ever more support organisations for families of trans / trans-curious kids. Maybe Beaumont can help or Mermaids.

  • Busy-LizzieBusy-Lizzie Posts: 20,937
    That's a start, your child will have to be assessed. It isn't really a psychiatric problem though, although a psychiatrist's help may be needed. Some people are born in the wrong body for their brains. There is a brain scan that can show slight differences, so it is not just a mental thing.
    Dordogne and Norfolk. Clay in Dordogne, sandy in Norfolk.
  • didywdidyw Posts: 2,729
    A girl at the a primary school my daughter taught at was born a boy but wanted to be a girl so appeared at the start of a new term as a girl.  The school (and my daughter) was very supportive but the mother did get abuse whilst out and about which was shameful.  She and I used to have some heartfelt chats when she visited the shop I was running at the time and she loved it when we discussed daughters in general, including hers.
    This girl knew from a very early age that that is what she wanted to be and her mother quickly adapted to referring to her as a she.  
    It must be so difficult for mums who had all the thrill of 'it's a boy!' or 'it's a girl!' at the time of birth and imaging how that child might grow up to see them developing into something different and so hard for the children feeling as if they are in the wrong body.
    Love, understanding and support by the bucketful is what is required here - for you and your child.
  • A very difficult subject.
    When I had my son,I was friendly with another girl who had also just given birth. Neither of us left the hospital for a fortnight or so as we both had babies with defects.
    The medics didnt know what sex her baby was the whole time I was there. It was heartbreaking.  These things happen to a lot more people than you think.

    Its your child so you will love it unconditionally,no matter what.
    I hope you are able to get to grips with what ever the outcome.
    Sincere good luck.

    The whole truth is an instrument that can only be played by an expert.
  • AlbeAlbe Posts: 123
    Thank you very much for the good words.
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