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HELLO FORKERS 🌻🍦🌻August ‘21



  • Hostafan1Hostafan1 Posts: 31,557
    He's already in a "side room " mainly because his behaviour was too volatile when first admitted.
  • AuntyRachAuntyRach Posts: 4,468
    edited August 2021
    I always say to my relatives (work or home) that there is always a chance you won’t ‘be there’ at the end and there should be no guilt if so because that’s nature’s way sometimes. Having a break can be important because it helps your body have a rest so you are stronger to face the next day. An hour journey each way is awkward because it’s do-able but not close enough that it’s easy. Hugs to @Hostafan1 and anyone who is or has been through similar. 

    Bargain of the day here...

    HB selling off small Chrysanthemums for £1! Just a few straggly leaves to pull off and ready to repot. Chuffed. 

    My garden and I live in South Wales. 
  • DovefromaboveDovefromabove Central Norfolk UKPosts: 77,279
    Absolutely agree with you @Lizzie27 ... our culture shuts death away and talking about it is taboo to many people ... the kindness and understanding of the lovely staff in my parents' care home, and their willingness to talk and explain, made things so much easier ... Pa was very frail but had been so for a long while ... he slipped away one evening after having been fed some mushroom soup (he loved mushroom soup) ... he was holding a carer's hand and shut his eyes and went to sleep.  With Ma it was different, she went downhill quickly and the carers said they thought the end would come within the next day or so ... Bro was in Scotland so I just sat and held her hand and told her about the view from the window, the swallows swooping over the common ... then in the middle of the night one of the carers told me to go and get some sleep ... they'd made a bed up for me in the next room ... he promised he would sit and keep watch for me ... less than an hour later there was a tap on my door ... she'd slipped away ... 'Don't feel bad that you weren't there' he said ... 'we find that many folk wait until their loved ones are resting and then just let go'.  Never feel bad if you're not there at the end ... that might be the end that your loved one has chosen.  
    “I am not lost, for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.” Winnie the Pooh

  • Pat EPat E Posts: 11,029
    No words Hosta. I can’t think of how to comfort you, but hopefully, you’ll  be OK. 
    Time for bed here, so good night all.
    S. E. NSW
  • Allotment BoyAllotment Boy North London Posts: 4,958
    @Hostafan1 you must do what you feel is right for you, however getting some respite is important too. 
    AB Still learning

  • raisingirlraisingirl East Devon, on the Edge of Exmoor.Posts: 5,531
    I wasn't with either of my parents when they died. Mum went fighting all the way and angry, Dad just gave up and drifted off. I doubt whether of them were aware if I was there or not in the end, neither was alone and neither would have lived longer had I been there. In both cases, I had been with them in the day or two before. It's for your own sake that you want to be there, not for theirs, and I completely understand that. I just couldn't be and am not haunted by that. I was there, with them, all the time that I could be. They knew that but they also knew I had to live my life, keep doing my job, they wanted that to be the case.

    It's a completely different thing, though, your parents and your husband. It's the job of children to bury their parents. However far in the back of your mind you hold that, you know it, you always know it will come to that. That's not true with your partner.

    I'm so sad for Hosta that he's going through this so young in his life and his husband's. I wish there was something useful I could say or do.
    “Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first” 
  • Busy-LizzieBusy-Lizzie Posts: 18,379
    My mother died in the night. Her younger brother sat with her, but she died when he left the room to go to the loo. I was with her that evening but I went to spend the night with friends nearby. I was glad the home warned me so I was able to get there from France. Two of my brothers and my sister lived within an hour of the home and visited regularly.

    I'm back from a busy weekend.

    The baptism went well, except baby Charles took a dim view of water being poured on his head! We went back to Son 1's house and enjoyed a party in the garden, plenty to eat and drink, caterers. Son had hired a bouncy castle, but it was a shark, not a castle, with an open mouth. It went down very well with the children. There were lots of children, most of the family and friends had young families. Just the grandparents and a couple of uncles and aunts were older. I left at 10.30pm as I had an hour's drive home.

    This morning I got up and was about to grate carrots in the Magimix for Coleslaw when there was a power cut. Had to grate them by hand. I was rather panicky as my garden gate is electric. There is a key but I've never used it. Luckily the power came on just as I was loading the car with salads, presents (Son 1's birthday today) and books in English for the grandchildren. We had lunch in the garden, it was another lovely sunny day. There is quite a bit of salad left, even though some people took some home. I don't think there were as many people as DIL thought there would be, maybe she counted small children. It was a good weekend, lovely to see so many family and in-laws.
    Dordogne and Norfolk
  • DovefromaboveDovefromabove Central Norfolk UKPosts: 77,279
    That sounds like a lovely weekend @Busy-Lizzie 😊 🍾 🎉 
    Glad you were able to open the gates … is there not a manual option?  
    “I am not lost, for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.” Winnie the Pooh

  • LynLyn DevonPosts: 19,855
    The day before my dad died he was very restless, I called the district nurse and she opened the emergency kit and gave him a morphine injection, she said she’d  come back the next  day at lunchtime ish and put the line in.
    That day dad was terribly restless, trying to get out of the bed, he hadn’t walked for a few weeks so I knew he’d fall if he got out,  I couldn’t leave him for a second, not even for the loo or cup of tea.  They didn’t come until 5pm. apparently they had to wait for a doctor. 
    The Marie Curie nurse said it was called near death restlessness, and quite common, I won’t ever forget that last day.
    The only consolation I got was that on seeing the Freddy Mercury story they said he was exactly the same.   It didn’t only happen to me. 

    Gardening on the wild, windy west side of Dartmoor. 

  • Lizzie27Lizzie27 SomersetPosts: 9,212
    And so say I, it sounds like a very good happy 'do' even if baby Charles protested @Busy-Lizzie!

    We enjoyed our family wedding last month very much and am looking forward to a another family do next week, a combined house-warming and 50th birthday party. I think all OH's numerous nephews and nieces must all be hitting significant birthdays!

    The blackberry and apple crumble smells delicious and I've even found some custard. OH will be in seventh heaven.
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