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Tipping advice, nothing to do with gardening

BenCottoBenCotto RutlandPosts: 3,793
I will soon be organising a wedding anniversary dinner for about 30 guests. The venue is a pretty upmarket hotel and the meal is costed per head, inclusive of VAT. Can I ask of those who might have been in a similar position whether you added on a tip to the final bill. Thanks.


  • ErgatesErgates Devon, east of ExeterPosts: 1,791
    A larger party of more than 6 guests is often subject to a 10% service charge, so check the small print. 
  • Janie BJanie B LincolnshirePosts: 862
    If it's discretionary would it not depend upon the service you received (regardless of the amount agreed)? 
  • BenCottoBenCotto RutlandPosts: 3,793
    Thank you both for your comments. I am well used to tipping regimes when eating in a smallish group of up to about a dozen in the main dining room and choosing from the regular menu but I was asking if, in your experience, those same rules apply in a private dining room for a much larger party and the meal is agreed in advance.

    I will ask the venue but wondered if folk had experience of this if such a charge is not mentioned in the T&Cs. As a wedding/funeral guest at such events I have never for a moment thought about tipping the serving staff and, until now, never stopped to consider if the person paying the final bill added a discretionary amount for service.
  • debs64debs64 West Midlands, on the edge of the Black Country Posts: 4,417
    My fiancé is a chef who often caters for weddings. It’s the norm for a tip to be given by the groom or parent of the bride to the kitchen staff, also individuals often tip the waiting staff. A tip is a way of thanking people for good service so if you feel that’s appropriate then go for it. As an ex waitress I always tip as generously as I can. 
  • Janie BJanie B LincolnshirePosts: 862
    debs64 said:
    As an ex waitress I always tip as generously as I can. 
    Me too!
  • Hostafan1Hostafan1 Posts: 33,012
    edited May 2021
    I'm not a fan of tipping. 
    Why are we expected to tip a taxi driver, but not a bus driver?
    Why are we expected to tip  a hairdresser, but not a dentist?
    Why are we expected to tip a waiter but not a checkout operator? 
  • debs64debs64 West Midlands, on the edge of the Black Country Posts: 4,417
    I think the idea of tipping is a way of thanking someone for good service. Also possibly a reflection of the pay received by these people? The unsocial hours they work etc? Not sure why we tip some but not others but I tip. It makes me feel good and I know as a waitress a night with good tips always felt better than one with poor ones. 
  • BenCottoBenCotto RutlandPosts: 3,793
    It’s for the same reason, @Hostafan1, that we give a round of applause at the end of a play but don’t clap when the vicar finishes her sermon - it’s the custom. For the most part I agree with your sentiment but prefer to live with society’s mores and stay with the traditional majority.
  • Hostafan1Hostafan1 Posts: 33,012
    one is paid a salary to do the job. If the pay isn't enough, don't expect the customer to top it up, that's either one's choice of job, or bad employers.
  • DovefromaboveDovefromabove Central Norfolk UKPosts: 80,490
    I agree with @Hostafan1 's principles and the fact that it's a custom has facilitated the under-payment of employees in some industries for years.   I'm aware that some places add a service charge which doesn't reach the staff ... I try not to go to such places.  I do tip good service in restaurants that don't add a service charge that goes to staff, as I know how much some front of house staff depend on it.  I prefer to use restaurants that have a well-thought-out service charge policy where the kitchen staff as well as the front of house get a share.  Kitchen porters are also on low money and work long and late.  

    I definitely don't tip owner/proprietors which is what my hair-dresser is ... and I don't automatically tip taxi drivers but if they've been particularly helpful with baggage etc then it'll be 'keep the change'.  

    I think in this particular case @BenCotto I would ask the venue what their policy is ... e.g. do they add a service charge and does it all go to the staff? 

    If the staff don't automatically receive tips then I would wait until the end of the event and if all has been good then I would pass a cash amount to the head waiter/waitress for distribution among the staff ... but I would do it in full view of several members of staff ... just to be on the safe side. 
    “I am not lost, for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.” Winnie the Pooh

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