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Billy C Has Seen The Light!

Dear Fellow Gardeners,

I hope, at last, that I can join your esteemed fraternity and call myself a Gardener! Because you see my friends, much like Paul's epiphany in Damascus, I have seen the light - quite literally. Let me explain;

About two weeks ago I was in my back garden, as usual practicing my putting, when the clouds parted and I was enveloped in a strange, ethereal, light. At first I thought it was sunshine, but then a voice spoke to me. And yes! That voice has showed me the error of my ways.

Now, not only do I love Monty Don's garden, I love him too and his wife and his family. The thoughts of actually killing, or deterring a worm, makes me physically sick. Gone, are all my harsh chemicals - carefully disposed of following town council advice. Caught up with the total euphoria of the moment I've even been out and bought four boxes of chicken manure. Strictly organic of course.

When I plant out my Sweetpeas I'm not thinking of their beautiful flowers, or heady fragrance I'm thinking that I'm planting out a banquet for all the slugs, snails, greenfly, blackfly or any other of God's creature who care to feed on them. And it's wonderful!

Why, only this morning, my wife come running in to tell me about the new plant growing slap in the middle of my front la......sorry grass. How we laughed when I told her it was Leontodon Taraxacum (the common dandelion) Something we haven't seen for more than forty years.

Even my outlook outside of gardening has radically, changed. No longer do I blame Margaret for not being able to get a bus after 8pm. Or why we have the most expensive gas, electricity and water rates in the world. Those Argentinean's deserved a bloody nose. And, let's be honest, who really cared about the miners or their families. Now, my only thought is of her riding in that tank, union jack flying. And remember when she swopped those flags over? What a woman!

And as for Jeremy! Well, let us follow his advice and embrace Vladmir - while keeping our gas-masks handy - he looks an honest enough guy to me?

Well I've said enough, I think I'll go and look at my lawnmowers. I only look, dear friends, I no longer use ...................................Oh! hello! Well you wouldn't believe it, how marvellous a little, black, velvety head has just popped up right in the middle of my back la... sorry (again) grass. It's, of course, Talpa Europaea.

Hello, Mr Moley, you're welcome here.   


  • Hostafan1Hostafan1 Posts: 25,791
    wow send me a dose of your drugs, they're clearly very powerful.
  • ThankthecatThankthecat North DevonPosts: 383
    It's all that grass, Hosta!
  • LynLyn DevonPosts: 16,172
    Sounds like your neighbours will be pleased with you come autumn, weed seeds flying everywhere😀
    I can’t share that enthusiasm, I do my best, such as no spraying with harmful pesticides  but I like my grass to be green and my plants to grow to reach flowering stage. 
    Gardening on the wild, windy west side of Dartmoor. 

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