God and Lawn Care

Ladybird4Ladybird4 Third rock from the sunPosts: 25,316

GOD AND LAWN CARE

You will chuckle as you read this ..... Because as stupid as it may sound, this is exactly what we do!   
 GOD   to   ST. FRANCIS   :

Frank,  ....  You know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet?  What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago?   I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and

flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.
 St. FRANCIS:

 It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
 GOD:

 Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these

Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
 ST. FRANCIS:

 Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
 GOD:

 The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
 ST. FRANCIS:

 Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it - sometimes twice a week.
 GOD:

 They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
 ST. FRANCIS:

 Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
 GOD:

 They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
 ST. FRANCIS:

 No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
 GOD:

 Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
 ST. FRANCIS:

 Yes, Sir.
 GOD:

 These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
 ST. FRANCIS:

 You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow

it and pay to get rid of it.
 GOD:

 What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty

and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
 ST. FRANCIS:

 You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
 GOD:

 No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
 ST. FRANCIS:

 After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
 GOD:

 And where do they get this mulch?
 ST. FRANCIS:

 They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
 GOD:

I have heard it all!

Last edited: 23 September 2017 10:52:27

Cacoethes: An irresistible urge to do something inadvisable
«13

Posts

  • SussexsunSussexsun Posts: 1,444

    ?that is so true

    To see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower Hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour.

  • Mary370Mary370 Limerick, Ireland Posts: 1,427

    It is a crazy world we live in lol

  • DovefromaboveDovefromabove Central Norfolk UKPosts: 55,536

    and some Lithuanian advertising as well .... reported. 

    “I am not lost, for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.” Winnie the Pooh







  • Ladybird4Ladybird4 Third rock from the sunPosts: 25,316

    Thanks Dove - I wondered what that was all about.

    Cacoethes: An irresistible urge to do something inadvisable
  • DovefromaboveDovefromabove Central Norfolk UKPosts: 55,536

    image  He's spreading it about a bit today ... image

    “I am not lost, for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.” Winnie the Pooh







  • FairygirlFairygirl west central ScotlandPosts: 25,872

    There's been loads of it L'bird. 

    Edgararse has been very busy...image

    Good story  image

    It's a place where beautiful isn't enough of a word....


  • Ladybird4Ladybird4 Third rock from the sunPosts: 25,316

    It would appear that the weekend brings some odd people out. image

    Cacoethes: An irresistible urge to do something inadvisable
  • DovefromaboveDovefromabove Central Norfolk UKPosts: 55,536

    No friends, no social lives, they have to resort to attention-seeking behaviour ... pitiful image

    “I am not lost, for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.” Winnie the Pooh







  • josusa47josusa47 Posts: 2,331

    Reminds me of my US relations who run the aircon to dissipate the heat produced by the lights which they keep on all day to counteract the gloom produced by the screens on the windows which are there to keep out the insects which can't get in anyway because they never have a window open because if you open the windows the aircon doesn't work properly ....

  • pansyfacepansyface PEAK DISTRICT DerbyshirePosts: 15,098

    JOSUSA image

    Apophthegm -  a big word for a small thought.
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